How to Mind Your Own Business

My customers sometimes tell me, "I tried to get my mother to do the Chrysalis Soak [or whatever], but she won't budge.  She has terrible arthritis and I've told her how amazing the Soak is for inflammation.  So frustrating."  And I agree it can be frustrating to know how to help someone feel better, yet remain powerless to make it happen.  But here's the worst part:  there's no solution for that.

I often say, "You can't tell anyone anything."  I don't mean it to sound so pessimistic, really--I mean that people must be "ready" to take advice and, most times, ask for it specifically before they will listen.  It is up to the advice-givers to honor that readiness or lack thereof without being judgmental or condescending ("Oh, they just aren't evolved enough yet").  Honoring the unique paths of others doesn't mean you've figured out more stuff than they have.  It means that you recognize that people do things in their own order, based on the distinct healing needs they have, in ways *you* aren't omniscient enough to understand fully.

To honor others' paths means to allow them the dignity of their journey and pace, the dignity of their uniqueness, and the dignity of their own mistakes and their own revelations.  We all know how much more powerful a realization is when we discover it experientially, for ourselves, because our own work has planted a seed that now blooms.

Now, this doesn't mean you should quit sharing your discoveries.  Be yourself!  When given with respect for others, you will never feel offended if people ignore your advice.  And a part of that respect is trust--that when and if the person does need the information you've shared, he will remember it and utilize it.

So give advice if you wish, and then give it away.  Give all expectations away.

I used to get really frustrated when people had health or healing issues, but would decline my suggestions and help--people that knew well that I am a natural therapeutic specialist, herbalist, and so on.  I started training in these fields over twenty years ago because I wanted to help people in the most effective way possible, period.  I always had a packed private practice, full of people seeing wonderful change, so I knew I could assist, and I really, really wanted to!  So I would feel depressed that healing was available but not accessed, and I would feel a little offended that they didn't seem to believe in my expertise.  I'm not giving advice for my health, I would think--I'm giving it for yours!!!  I wanted to save everybody.

But getting offended or judgmental means I'm making it about me.  And advice is not supposed to be about the person giving it, is it?  If advice is given truly and with integrity and genuine compassion for others, it is *only* about that other person.  And that person, being on her own journey, will need to make her own choices based on knowledge and experience only she has.

The beautiful part is that once you learn how to give advice and give it away, people start to listen to you more.  They sense that respectfulness in you, and the equanimity that comes from not *needing* to be acknowledged in order to be confident and compassionate.  

So as always, the healing--even of others--begins with ourselves.  Remember that the body heals itself--we as assistants don't hold the power, the timing, or the results. 

I still sometimes get weary when people aren't open to trying new things.  But it doesn't happen much anymore because I've learned how to mind my business and hold a Mona Lisa smile until the moment a person says, "What do you suggest?"